tales of the activated

under the covers 2 (mild nsfw)

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Second batch of tumblr posts. Thank you for reading!

NSFW warning is mildly in place.

……………………………………………

Part 1Part 3

He was not sure what he felt about the Selati anymore, and was as confused as the icebox. For he had been satisfied in all the right ways, but he was not sure how it happened, or if he should let it happen again.

What did he feel about him, about Bei, and about Marceau? Was he accepting Bei as a friend, or with something more? Did he dare go against the green hag? Was he actually going against the green hag? Did he like the icebox as a friend and nothing more, or was going further a welcome thought?

There were too many thoughts, and he did not want to think them.

…………………………

“Lan! Lan! Melancho of northeast!”

He was shaken bodily in between System Scans. He was too drowsy to give Beika a proper answer, but he groaned to assure her he was fine.

He had forced sleep on himself, to avoid thinking. It was a strong substance he had kept hidden for such circumstances. His head throbbed; he may have hit the table before collapsing on the floor, where Beika found him.

“Who even gave you sleeping pills in the first place!”

He groaned again. He wanted to stay asleep. He hated relationships. He hated himself for now being considered a friend of three people.

It was rather easy to fall, after falling so hard before. Any small thing or large thing could start the downward spiral in his head. But it took a mountain of effort to climb up again.

Nobody wanted him. Not Beika. Surely Soji was deceiving himself about him. He did not deserve to have been pleased or satisfied, about anything. Especially by something that had possible entanglements.

He heard another voice. The icebox. “I am sorry, Beika! Well….actually…..I am not sorry, but! I did not think!”

“Well, think over whatever it is you think you did, while I go get some things,” Beika ordered, as her footfall faded.

Lan’s head kept spinning, as his head was pillowed onto a lap, as he heard Soji’s voice overhead.

“I….how you say…..got carried away. Yes?”

Lan’s brain felt hit heavily by a hammer, and he began to drift back to unconsciousness. As he wanted.

………………………………………………

Lan opened his eyes to a dark bedroom, moonlight entering from a window. He sighed. He had been knocked out the whole day, only to have all the thoughts he kept at bay attack again all at once. He held his head firmly in his left hand and squeezed.

But he felt cool arms and a warm chest embracing him from behind. They held him firmly as he continued to hold his head, as his heart continued to pound. With his other hand he held the hands that stopped over his heart. He tried to even out his breathing and squeeze his eyes shut. The warmth behind him held on.

It was not so much that it was Soji. It was the fact that it was anybody, and someone familiar, even if only for the last several months. He did not deserve affection, even the stolen, false kind. Any affection in his direction was merely pity, nothing more.

The Selati spoke haltingly, slowly choosing his words. “Why…are you scared? Of touch, of love?”

Lan chuckled bitterly. “Why not? I could explode any time. Kill everyone within range. I have a large range. I already did that: kill many within range.”

“You speak much, all suddenly.”

“I’m just used to you already, I guess, icebox,” he said. He was not sure why. A part of him recalled that hidden, locked section of icebox brain that wanted to kill who he was.

“But…how you say…Your control is much better now, yes? And having love will not hurt you.”

“And is this love?”

The Selati did not answer.

He held his head again and squeezed. “So, have you thought about it?”

“About what?”

“The green hag.”

“Still thinking.”

“Are you interested only because she is unreachable and impossible? Or because she helped you so much?”

“I….do not know.”

“Are you stringing her along?”

“I do not understand.”

“Are you doing things so she feels special, but there is really nothing you feel for her?”

“I…do not know.”

“And are you interested in me because you feel sorry for me?”

“No.”

“Are you just toying with me, thinking her in your head while being with me?”

The answer was firm. “No.” Then he sighed. “Maybe, at start. But not after.”

“Then, what is it?”

“Not sure…but, can I show you?”

When the Selati started kissing him again, he felt his hunger for such close touches again, he remembered his need to be held, the need he buried.

He let the large calloused hands comb through his hair, to hold over his back, to rest over his heart. He let himself be undressed in the darkness, allowing as much of their skin as could touch. He let the hands travel around his body, caressing every point. He was guided as they moved together, body to body, shaft to shaft. And in the moonlight under a blanket, he was held, chest to chest, skin to skin, a taut muscular frame against his wiry weaker one, as he slowly drifted into a natural sleep.

“Is not only Beika and Marceau and Pendi who like you alive. Is life worth saving. Alright?”

He sighed.

He still did not think so.

Part 1Part 3

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Author: EK

Crazy writer, bookworm, anime fan, and a few other things.

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